


Not Another Teen Ghost Story

by kakashispornstash



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Drama, Eventual Romance, Gen, Ghost Sex, Ghosts, Horror, Humor, M/M, Murder, Parody, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 03:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1843345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kakashispornstash/pseuds/kakashispornstash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is killed at 17 - but he doesn't stay dead. As a meddlesome, sadistic spirit headed straight for execution, Levi signs a contract that will allow Erwin, Vice-Chariman for the Council of the Dead, to spare his (sort-of) life. The only catch? He has to constructively haunt his resting place...and he's going to do it with a cursed video tape and cleaning supplies. </p><p>(A parody of <i>'The Ring'</i> for the SnK Kink Meme; eventual Eruri, Jean/Marco and multiple pairings.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was so well received on the kink meme that I decided to post it here and share some sassy ghost!Levi and turn-of-the-century, adorably clueless ghost!Erwin as his mentor. Enjoy!

**I PROLOGUE I**

  
In 1980s America, a time known for its ridiculously huge hair, rampant homophobia, and bad dance movies, a 17 year old kid named Levi Ackerman was shot and killed in Spokane, Washington. His stepfather committed the murder, and afterward hid his remains in a well on abandoned farm property.  
  
Now, shootings in America aren't so uncommon, and they weren't 20-some years ago, either. People everywhere died just like Levi did all the time, some in scenarios far more terrible than others. Most moved on immediately, leaving behind their presence on Earth. However, some spirits refused to move on, choosing to remain on Earth as a shell of what they once were.  
  
Unfortunately, Levi Ackerman became such a spirit - staying dead was an impossibility. The unresolved fury he felt toward being murdered by a man most cruel kept his soul chained to the Earth, where it would remain until he managed to find peace and move on.  
  
For the first few years of his life as a spirit, Levi haunted drifters and horny teenagers who ran out to the cornfields on the farm to neck and fool around. That was a truly boring and miserable affair, since it rarely happened. But when anyone drifted near the well, he always got a joy from scaring the absolute shit out of them. He tried to trek across state lines toward British Columbia for a change of scenery at one point; however, with each attempt he was sent back to the well. Sometimes _inside_ of it with his own still-decaying corpse. That was never pleasant.  
  
In the mid-1990s, eight years after his death, the land Levi died on was taken over by a housing company. The fields and the farm, along with the well, were destroyed to make room for a luxury development. To his horror, Levi realized he now had an even slimmer chance of ever being set free (whatever 'free' really is, though the next phase must be better than remaining a spirit on Earth). And this only served to make him angrier.  
  
However, with the demolition of the farmland and his burial site came another unique freedom: Levi was able to skip town, cross over state lines with ease, and haunt quite a few campers in Victoria whenever the mood struck, much to his pleasure.  
  
After this revelation, Levi traveled for quite a few years along the West coast, taking advantage of his power to dematerialize and remain invisible while wrecking havoc on the human world. During his travels, he only hoped to eventually find his stepfather - he had long since disappeared since the night of Levi's murder.  
  
Levi's murder had hardened whatever good had been left in his soul - the fact stood that he was still a very unhappy person, especially in death, and the act of being murdered so unjustly had only served to make him downright sadistic. His restlessness, combined with his distaste toward the living, set him up to become a very troublesome spirit.  
  
For several years, Levi haunted the back of trucks, causing multiple accidents; terrorized campers in Northern California, tipping over canoes and conveniently appearing during ghost stories to give everyone a scare; and, worst of all, began stealing for the sake of stealing, removing large quantities of money from bank vaults he fazed through with ease, taking revenge upon the wealthy, greedy members of society he had loathed deeply in his impoverished youth.  
  
Levi was entirely unaware, however, that he was being carefully watched. With each misdeed he committed, his file only continued to grow until his removal from the human world was being discussed of by a higher power. Very rarely were ordinary spirits freed from the confines of their burial grounds; not only was Levi beginning to tamper with social institutions, but he was overstepping territory of other spirits haunting the coast as well.  
  
Judging by his behaviors, Levi required more than a severe punishment - he needed special supervision. A kind of…gentle guidance, if you would. This was what Erwin Smith had vouched for.  
  
The Council of the Dead was made specifically for cases like Levi's. Erwin Smith, Vice-Chairman of the Council, was perfectly fit for punishing unruly ghosts; although his fellow board members were surprised when he offered to rehabilitate such a meddlesome spirit, the Chairman ultimately trusted Erwin's judgment and allowed Levi to be in his care. Erwin's keen sense of justice and creativity would allow him to make Levi a useful tool for the Society of the Dead.  
  
And so, it was ruled by the Council of the Dead that Levi Ackerman would be restricted to haunt where he was laid to rest on Undead Probation with Erwin Smith as his officer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Levi's teen angst hasn't really worn off and he's raising hell in the human world with a vengeance. Erwin, however, sees something special in him and tries to take him under his wing. Things don't quite go as planned..._

Levi, of course, had been far from happy about the arrangement.

In the late 1990s, Levi was very much enjoying fueling the Y2K scare by making objects float mysteriously around the rooms of suburban homes, short-circuiting computers, and writing 'Y2K Death' on bathroom mirrors after people showered. Erwin appeared the day Levi was hoping to give his fifth grandmother of the week a potential heart attack. He intercepted Levi from playing the grand baby piano resting in the old woman's living room. Levi, at first, appeared quite surprised, then aggravated very quickly after that.

"What's wrong with you?" Levi asked. "I'm putting this to good use - it hasn't been played in years. Can't you tell by all the disgusting dust?"

Erwin, at first, wasn't sure of how to respond. The sense of entitlement in this young spirit was somewhat remarkable.

"Erwin Smith, Vice-Chairman of the Council of the Dead," Erwin replied primly. He even held out a hand for Levi to shake. Levi merely snorted, clearly unimpressed with Erwin's entrance. Erwin felt a twinge of annoyance, and a frown tugged at his lips.

Levi rolled his eyes. "Save the crap for some asshole who cares. I'm busy." He reached for the piano's keys, but Erwin caught his wrist. Levi felt a horrendous burst of pain shoot throughout his entire being, as if he would soon melt away into nothingness.

Erwin narrowed his eyes. "If you continue to disobey my authority, I'll have no other choice but to sentence you with your crimes. I suggest you listen."

Levi gave a short cry as Erwin finally released him. He rubbed at his arm, not even certain as to how he could feel any kind of pain in the first place - wasn't he dead already?

"You're a prick," Levi scowled.

Erwin's eye twitched. "Think what you will, but I have authority over the spirits of this world, and you are not immune to the rules."

"So, what - you planning on Ghost Busting my ass and sending me to Hell, then?" Levi asked, tone thick with distaste. The lack of fear in this boy was incredible. Erwin had been Vice-Chairman of the Council of the Dead for eight decades and had never encountered such an arrogant, unruly spirit to date.

"I'm planning to rehabilitate you," Erwin said, more gently. "You're a reckless spirit, Levi. You're in need of care - someone to show you how to survive this world as one of the Dead."

"So, let me get this straight - I either follow you and become some spineless little Casper with a broom and a Xanax smile for days, or else I go to your version of Hell?" Levi asked with an incredulous expression.

Erwin sighed. "More or less, yes - that's correct. Quite honestly, Levi, I feel you would have great potential working with the Council. You seem quite strong, recovering from my assault so quickly."

What Erwin spoke was the truth: Levi was strong, and fast, too. He could dematerialize and transport himself a fair distance at the speed of sound, and faze through objects of all kinds with ease, even people (this, naturally, had taken some practice - they were the most difficult to pass through).

But becoming a part of some stupid little clique for the dead wasn't Levi's style. At the same time, if he went along with this crap, he could probably get something out of it for himself. Erwin seemed powerful despite being just short of an idiot. Playing nice with the good guys could help him in the long run.

"All right," Levi said slowly. "I'll play along. And how, exactly, do you plan to 'rehabilitate' me? Are you going to make me go back to that well or something? Tough news, buddy, but that shit is _long_ gone."

Erwin smiled ruefully. "I'm quite aware of that already. But don't worry. To begin with, if you sign this contract, your crimes will be excused." A contract suddenly appeared in the air, with a feather pen and an ink pot floating beside it. Levi almost laughed out loud.

"Do bear in mind, Levi, that until my intervention - for I saw some good in you, and be thankful for that - you were quickly headed for condemnation," Erwin said gravely. Levi studied his eyes, and he knew Erwin wasn't lying to him - it suddenly became apparent that this wasn't a game.

"Seems a little unfair to me," Levi muttered as he took the pen and dipped it into the ink pot. "Never even knew your shitty Dead Kids club existed." He wrote his name in a messy scrawl; the contract glowed faintly before Erwin opened a portal and sent it to the Chairman's desk.

Levi blinked. "Where the hell did you just put that?"

"The Council resides in a special realm of the afterlife," Erwin explained. "Like angels, the Council and its Guardians hold the power to come to Earth in human form to provide assistance. Though unlike angels, we of the Council pass judgement on and assist souls who still inhabit the world of the living after death."

Levi was, of course, skeptical. "Yeah, I know about guardian angels and all of that BS. Where's this Council you're talking about?"

Erwin tried to be patient. "It's difficult to explain, but if one could create a triangular map of the afterlife, the Council resides in a realm that would be in the very center - below Heaven, above Hell."

Levi merely stared, still not entirely able to wrap his brain around the concept of purgatory, or something close to it, actually existing with an asshole like _this_ helping run it.

"Come," Erwin commanded, opening another portal. "We're going."

Levi felt himself move toward Erwin almost on instinct - and then, he realized it was probably from that dirty contract. Shit. It probably was in his favor for him to have signed it, since he really didn't want to land his ass in a torture cell for all eternity, but this was really pissing him off already.

"Asshole," Levi muttered under his breath. "Ruining all my fun."

When they arrived at their destination, Levi rematerialized but felt out of sorts. This was something he wasn't familiar with. Levi felt around his middle and came across a gaping hole. Oh. Fantastic.

Erwin placed a hand on his shoulder. Levi was, at the moment, too weak to shove him off. "It will come back - just give it a moment. You just aren't used to my method of travel."

As Levi recovered, he noticed they were approaching a very familiar sign that he had grown to loathe throughout his youth: the welcome sign to Spokane, Washington. Dear Christ. Levi almost wished he could re-open that portal Erwin used and send himself down a chute to Hell after all. He didn't have a great feeling about this.

Erwin was fast, too - they made quick work of bypassing the hills and landmarks of Spokane, and soon after they ended up in a very familiar housing development - the one directly built on top of Levi's resting place. Levi scowled as he watched idiot parents walk their kids with bikes and strollers up the main road. If only they knew that they were walking on top of a dead body, or maybe living on it.

"I don't see the point in being here," Levi hissed. "Care to explain, oh wise one?"  

"You see, Levi," Erwin started, wanting to explain this as tactfully as he could, "In accordance to the Council's policies, the first step of your rehabilitation is learning how to properly haunt the living. It's your duty to fulfill the haunting of your resting place for at least half of a century, in most circumstances."

Levi slowly turned to stare at Erwin, and if looks could kill, Erwin would have dropped dead all over again.

"You're fucking kidding me. Really. Tell me you are."

"Please, Levi," Erwin said, growing a bit weary. "You seem like you were a smart man, and vulgarity is quite unintelligent."

"Yeah, yeah," Levi muttered. "You can go all high and mighty Ghost God on me if you want to, I don't give two shits."

Erwin sighed. "Allow me to explain: here, you'll resume haunting the human world underneath my guidance and the review of the Council. If you consistently perform well on your reviews, you'll be able to have some leverage in where ever you go, until you move on. You're a special circumstance - remember, I've seen something unique in you. You clearly have more capabilities in navigating yourself past your resting place, unlike most spirits, if you can use that power for better rather than for worse.

"And, I hope you trust me when I say this, Levi - I sincerely believe you will move on," Erwin said, his eyes growing sympathetic. "Though it will take time, it isn't impossible."

"Yeah? And why haven't you?" Levi sneered. He hated the way Erwin looked at him now - he didn't want pity from anyone, especially him.

"I have," Erwin responded. "Death works differently for each soul - some achieve reincarnation, while others become angels or dwellers in paradise; the hateful beings of this world usually roast in the flames of retribution and sin for all eternity. Then, there are those who become Guardians of spirits, such as I."

Levi balked. "Look, I'm no moron or anything, but how the hell do you _become_ something like that? The hicks I grew up around always told me it was all black and white, you know - Heaven if you're good and you don't suck cock, Hell if you forget to pray after you masturbate, purgatory if you don't get baptized. That kind of thing."

Erwin tried to remain patient and not entirely put off by Levi's profanities. "Believe it or not, many grey areas exist in this world, and in the afterworld, too. As a man, I was neither a sinner nor a saint. I don't detest what fate has handed to me."

"Way to go, then," Levi mumbled sarcastically. He tried to materialize the remainder of his abdomen. After concentrating for a tense few moments, he managed to become whole again.

"Well done," Erwin nodded.

Levi shrugged. "Whatever. I fooled around with a lot of things like this over the years. It killed time when I wasn't raising hell."

"Indeed," Erwin murmured a little uneasily. "I think you'll do quite well with your first constructive haunting. A homicide is no easy death to--"

"Enough," Levi remarked shortly, his voice growing cold. "I don't give a crap about the past. Just tell me what I have to do."

"What did you enjoy during your mortal lifetime?" Erwin asked carefully.

Levi didn't know what to say. His expression became utterly morose. "Honestly...I didn't enjoy much of anything. Well, except getting laid, but I doubt I'm going to be the first 'oogie boogie that fucks you up the ass when you least expect it' kind of spirit."

Erwin grimaced. "I repeat - there must be something you can recall that you enjoyed doing. Something that you can apply to your afterlife, perhaps? And nothing destructive--"

"Or violent, or cruel, whatever, I get it," Levi snapped, impatient. He was starting to get annoyed with Erwin's Justice League for the Dead bullshit. "Clearly, you're all boring. Let me think."

It comes to Levi after a moment that he always had enjoyed cleaning. The simple act of cleansing his environment had given him a sense of calm and relief after his stepfather beat him or his mother.

"Cleaning. Oh, and making movies," Levi remarked, remembering how much he had liked to fiddle with his VHS Camcorder at 15. "The movies I had to endure as a teenager were enough to make me want to gauge my eyes out - even as a raging homo I couldn't stand Molly Ringwald for more than 15 minutes at a time - but before that, I wanted to make my own."

Erwin looked thoughtful. "Hmm…" He rubbed at his chin, something that Levi somehow found less annoying than he probably should have. Suddenly, an absolutely wicked expression overtook Erwin's features. Levi raised his brows.

"I do think I have something in mind," Erwin murmured. "Something quite terrifying - and terrify them, my dear boy, we will!" Levi was half expecting horns to appear on Erwin's head and a red, forked tail to come sprouting out of his ass. For such a self-righteous guy, this was unexpected (and unexpectedly awesome - Levi had a spark of hope for this loser, after all).

"But, without harming anyone in the process, of course. I must stress my own policies at all times. Mortal safety first!" Levi sighed, his hopes dashed out on the spot. That sudden shift in Erwin's personality was nothing if not fucking creepy.  

"Well!" Erwin said, rubbing his hands together. "Would you like to get started?"

Levi stared. "Excuse me if I didn't get the memo, but - what the hell are we doing, exactly?"

Erwin smiled, though it wasn't at all kind. For the second time since they had met, Levi questioned how 'good' Erwin Smith actually was. "We shall make a video."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Levi and Erwin spend an afternoon together making a cursed video tape. Yeah, it's as fucked up as it sounds._

When Erwin teleported them to an abandoned, dilapidated building on the edge of Spokane, Levi wasn't sure of what to expect.  
  
"I swear to God, old man - if this is some kind of shot at rape beyond the grave, you've got another thing coming for your ancient ass," Levi muttered irritably.  
  
"I have no idea of what you mean, Levi," Erwin replied slowly, "though I'd rather not discuss any of your human perversions that have remained with you in death."  
  
Levi rolled his eyes. "Like I'd give you a list of my kinks. You wish."  
  
Erwin put a hand on his shoulder, his gaze suddenly growing very serious. "Do you know where we are?"  
  
Levi said nothing as he shrugged Erwin off. He looked at the house, observing its exterior, feeling an aching sense of familiarity at the sight without knowing why. He made no sound as he walked through the waist-high grass crowding the front yard.  
  
If Levi had a heart, it would have fallen as read the number on the door. "I haven't been here since the night I died. For a _reason_ , asshole," Levi said, clenching his fists. Leave it to Erwin to bring him back to his old place. The night his stepfather had killed him, Levi had returned to find his mother strangled in the tub, her spirit nowhere to be found. The safe and their good silver were gone too, and so was that asshole Kenny - he'd turned tail and ran after finally losing his marbles and offing them both.  
  
"I'm confident that this is best, Levi," Erwin replied, appearing troubled. "In your case, we have a limited number of options, considering your lack of flexibility." Levi made a disgusted noise as he flipped Erwin off.  
  
Erwin fazed through the door and Levi reluctantly followed suit, standing by his side in the entryway. Levi swallowed hard as he took in the place he once called home. In his mind, he wasn't seeing the interior of the house as the piece of shit it was now, with crap thrown everywhere and grime all over everything. He was seeing it like it was on the night he got murdered. Levi looked at the stairs, remembering how Kenny had thrown him to the bottom, how his blood pooled all over the carpet before he was dragged out by his sneakers into the truck, a Glock pointed at his head…  
  
"If I could, I would probably heave right now," Levi muttered, his voice thick with misery.  
  
"The longer we stand here, the more time we'll waste." Erwin sounded bizarrely cheerful. Levi didn't doubt for a second that in life, he'd probably been the kind of guy who smiled all the time and shit out sunshine and gold.  
  
Levi walked upstairs, purposely not looking in the direction of his mother's bedroom. All he needed was for her ghost to pop up out of nowhere for a happy family reunion - that would take the fucking cake. He highly doubted it, but who the hell knew. Levi wasn't taking any chances.  
  
"My old room is here," Levi managed, trying not to die for a second time when he saw a rat scurry out from underneath his door. "Did I mention that you're an atomic fucking asshole for doing this? Remind me if I did."  
  
Erwin walked past Levi, examining their surroundings. "I think you have," Erwin said, deep in thought. "Do remind _me_ \- what kind of camera did you used to have?"  
  
Levi sighed. "A VHS Camcorder, '86 model. Your point?"  
  
Levi watched as Erwin shut his eyes, concentrating intently on something. A moment later, he walked over to the closet and opened the door.  
  
As Erwin began to dig through the filth of his teenage closet, Levi had the nagging suspicion that he should probably tell Erwin to fuck off and let him find the Camcorder himself. But then, even the idea of touching any of the shit in there was enough to make his head want to explode.  
  
Erwin began rummaging through the piles of shit that had collected a healthy amount of filth over the years; Levi felt the closest he could to being sick. Things only took a turn for the worse when Erwin, the nosy motherfucker, came across an old vibrator that miraculously hadn't managed to biodegrade with half of the other crap that was probably shoved in there.  
  
When Erwin turned it on, Levi was just about ready to damn the contract and tear Erwin's fucking face off and wipe his ass with it. "Oh my," Erwin murmured, clearly embarrassed. In a knee-jerk reaction, he dropped the vibrator onto the floor, where it rattled around like a jackhammer. Those things were loud back in the day.  
  
Levi sighed angrily and snatched the vibrator off of the floor, shutting it off. "What the fuck? Is this going to take all day? If you dig around any more, you might fall into Narnia."  
  
Erwin shot Levi a confused, annoyed look. "Be patient, Levi! It's a virtue you're clearly in need of."  
  
A few minutes later (all while Levi was trying not to jam the vibrator up Erwin's ear and jackhammer his brain into soup), Erwin pulled out the dusty shoebox that held Levi's old Camcorder. Erwin paled when he opened the lid and a small troop of centipedes emerged. Levi shivered, tempted to faze through the floor, but God only knew what was on the ceiling downstairs.  
  
"You're just lucky I really can't puke, or else I'd do it all over you," Levi quipped in disgust.  
  
Erwin cleared his throat, attempting to regain his composure. For all the weird shit that Erwin had probably seen as a 'Vice-Chairman' or whatever, Levi found it kind of ridiculous that he was grossed out by insects. Talk about spineless...  
  
After dusting off the Camcorder, Erwin asked for Levi's help to turn it on. Clearly, he hadn't gotten with the times and wouldn't be any time soon. When it came to life, Levi was amazed the old thing still had some juice left.  
  
"What, exactly, am I going to do?" Levi asked, suspicious. Erwin seemed like he had more faces to his personality than a pair of dice, and Levi didn't trust him.  
  
Erwin, however, didn't answer - he was enamored with the Camcorder's buttons and staring through the lens without even taping anything. Levi wiped a hand down the front of his face.  
  
"Here," Levi muttered. "Let me show you." When he made a grab for the Camcorder and grazed Erwin's fingers, he felt an uncomfortable spark of something electric and hot that instantly made him recoil. It was similar to the sensation Levi had felt earlier, though not as extreme.  
  
" _Ow!_ What the hell was that all about?" Levi demanded, rubbing his hand in offense.  
  
Erwin smiled sheepishly. "My apologies - it's simply a defense mechanism I've had to adopt due to quite a few unruly attacks from the Dead over the years…I certainly can't take my chances with all of the duties I must uphold."  
  
Levi stared. "So, basically, you thought I was going to bludgeon you to death with a Camcorder. Even though you're, you know, _already dead_."  
  
"One never knows," Erwin replied airily. Levi scowled. He did kind of have a point, seeing as he wouldn't trust himself either, but whatever.  
  
"And, to be quite honest, I rarely enjoy taking direction from my charges," Erwin winked.  
  
Levi made an appalled noise in the back of his throat. "Did you get 'Arrogant SOB' engraved on your headstone when you died? I really think you should've. Now, hand it over."  
  
After Erwin relented and gave Levi the Camcorder, Levi showed him how to actually tape something. Erwin wasn't as stupid as he looked - he seemed to catch on pretty quickly. A half hour later, Erwin was setting up the Camcorder on the tripod and directing Levi to stand in front of it.  
  
"Now, Levi," Erwin began. "You'll take your place in front of the camera. Try to envision the delight that comes with scaring mortals, and fuel that energy into your performance."  
  
Levi was busy looking through his old comic books, most of which had grown limp and yellow with age. He couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic, remembering how he'd been enamored with Captain America's ass and muscular thighs when he should have been looking at Wonder Woman's tits.  
  
"Uh huh," Levi replied, distractedly turning the pages. "I scare bitches, we get out of this shit hole. I'm fully on board." His eyes suddenly darkened as a particularly distasteful thought flashed through his mind.  
  
"Just don't expect me to make some undead sex tape with you - I refuse to be responsible for the creation of _Gagging Ghosts and Dead Twinks 3._ " Even though Erwin hadn't hit on him (yet), judging by how many older men used to try to take advantage of him in his waking life, Levi was keeping all his bases covered.  
  
Erwin appeared utterly horrified. "I…I must say, Levi, you truly have a way with words," he replied with audible discomfort. Levi smirked. He hopped off of his old water bed and stood in front of the camera.  
  
"You told me that you enjoyed cleaning in your mortal life," Erwin said. "Do you think you would still have any cleaning supplies in the vicinity?"  
  
Levi gave a short, sharp laugh. "You're kidding me, right? I used to scrub this place daily. Besides that, highly doubt the asshole who shot me dead looted our hall closet."  
  
After Erwin returned from the hallway, he came back with the arsenal of cleaning supplies that Levi had promised - a bucket, several rags, a gallon of bleach, and a broom. Evidently, Erwin realized, he hadn't been stretching it when he said he'd enjoyed cleaning. However, if Levi could apply his (rather eccentric) strengths to his hauntings, Erwin didn't have any qualms about it.  
  
"All you must do now is - well, whatever you enjoy doing to scare mortals," Erwin said. Levi nodded, though he didn't seem entirely interested. In fact, he seemed bored.  
  
As Erwin stood expectantly behind the camera, giving Levi the cue to begin filming, Levi picked up the wash rag and the bleach. He stared at them in distaste. "I feel like cleaning my cleaning supplies. Go figure..."  
  
Erwin sighed. This was going to be a very long, difficult afternoon.  
  


* * *

  
After multiple attempts at doing something terrifying that wouldn't instill a potential heart attack or life threatening condition in his viewer, Levi had successfully created what Erwin dubbed the 'horror film that would haunt Spokane for the ages'.  
  
Levi wasn't impressed. He had been the director, not the actor, during his human life for what he believed to be a very good reason: he hated being in front of the camera, and it showed.  
  
The two stood in Levi's bedroom, watching the newly finished tape. A dark, twisted circle flickered across the screen before it morphed into the shape of a bucket, where they watched him crawl forth from its endless depths in a contorted, twisted position that made him look like a human pretzel. With a mop. Levi inwardly groaned.  
  
"And the razzie goes to…" Levi deadpanned. Erwin raised a brow, clearly not following. Levi just shook his head and sighed.  
  
"You know, old man," Levi said wearily, "I highly doubt that any dumbass kids are going to be scared shitless by a ghost telling them to clean."  
  
Erwin was exasperated. He pointed to the screen as Levi, who had made himself entirely invisible at the time, lifted a chair into the air and spun it toward the ceiling. Dark moans filtered out from the Camcorder. "What do you mean? This is incredibly frightening!" Erwin said. "Threatening youths with horrific hauntings unless they clean their rooms is an excellent way to provide moral fiber, and quite an assistance to their parents."  
  
Levi felt like dying all over again. This whole 'cursed video tape' bullshit was way too soft. But, if these assholes sitting on the panel liked it, he was home free - that was all that mattered.  
  
Levi sighed. "Just… whatever. Let me hook all this shit up to my computer and make the tape. I'm sure I still have all the wires and crap I need."  
  
A few hours later, the tape was successfully made. Erwin was smiling proudly as he held it in his hands.  
  
"Should we make copies of that shit?" Levi asked. "I doubt that you leaving it in some school library is really going to do me any favors."  
  
"There will be no need, Levi - you've already told them that they must make another copy in order for you to spare them from a haunting for the rest of their mortal lives!" Erwin replied brightly. "We've done a wonderful job. An excellent film for a first time director, if I do say so my--"  
  
"I'm so done," Levi muttered. He floated off and fazed out the door, leaving a disgruntled Erwin with the VHS tape that, unbeknownst to Levi, would, indeed, wreak an entirely new kind of havoc on the youth of Spokane, Washington.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is hella inspired by Beetlejuice, if you can't tell already. Thanks to those who leave kudos. All con-crit and comments are appreciated! ⊂(´･◡･⊂ )∘˚˳°


End file.
